as raw as it gets

idk how but this is what came out of my soul last night. wow, i shocked myself. in a bad way.

Open the door,
to my life
please come in
i want you to
turn the knife
to make me hurt make me feel
know that i am real
that i am really there
that i can also be scared
im so numb
and dont know why
am i about to die
is this the end
of something i didnt do right
did i throw it away
all the chances they gave
am i just a fuck
how did i mess it all up
the walls are in place
and can never be torn down
when i look in the mirror
theres no one around
theres just me and my mind
is this my time
is death coming for me
its not something i feel
but i know that its there
in heart and my soul
do i keep you by me
or protect you by letting you go
i just need your love
but it isnt enough
to keep me a float
ive given up hope.
to all of my friends
is this the end
whats left there to do
that i can go to
whats that in the air
i just want to care
for myself
for my own well being,
go away
please come back
im on the attack
but im empty and weak
so easy
defeat
and ive given up
and when i add this
to the sum
it all comes out to not much
i threw away my chance
and because of that
i never got to savor the dance
with her in the white gown
ive let everyone down
and not just myself but my whole family
everyone that mattered to me
i hurt them the most
by thinking i could just coast
to the casket i go
how did i stoop so low
im stronger then this
im too blinded and missed
and when they put me
in the ground
dont make a sound
dont you cry dont you weep
any feelings you keep
deep inside
then youll know my mistake
maybe then youll understand
the person i was and still am