Returning to the Forgotten Past...

It had taken them but a day or so to get to Kusa. In all honesty she would have much preferred going there by herself, walking and half running, not using the full extent of her abilities, but… she wanted to go to Kusa more than anything else right now. Swallowing, she gazed up at the rising sun, detesting its light. She looked rather like herself now: silver hair and a paler complexion from having stayed indoors for quite awhile now. Still, her skin tone was a tad bit darker than most of her relatives.

As the sun finally took its place in the sky she bid Yamiyo farewell, asking him to leave her alone for what time it’d take for her to… work things out on her own. Silently, grudgingly, he agreed. He left here then, at the gates of Kusa and stole away back into the so called wilderness about Kusa. He would not step foot in the village or the immediate areas nearby unless he truly sensed Akiko in danger.

Perhaps it would do them both good to reflect about the past and the present away from each other by more than just an empty room or two. His sense of her was weak and vague with all the distance between them and it would not have worked on anyone else for despite the events, they were still close and had been close for years. There was no denying that. Somehow, some way they were going to have make up and go about life as they had.

And so he left…



At first Akiko merely walked about the village, not truly there in mind. But after about an hour or so of this, she began to remember more. Vague fragments of conversations and little snippets of this or that from her past. She walked by places she had used to eat at it to appear just a little more normal to the civilians. Did the civilians fear her? Slightly. Then again, they all did… at the time they had known their ‘Kusakage’ was not exactly a ‘holy man’ and knew that some of the people he took in were not necessarily always ambient about aiding Kusa. Many times they had watched strange men and women, some just children, come to the village for but a few years and then disappear to only re-appear years later. Such was the way of their protectorate and leader.

Slowly, very slowly, she came to a halt before a small shop. She did not know why she had stop, only that her gut feeling had told her to. Stopping, she stared. What was she supposed to be remembering? On and on she looked, even while vague civilians walked by. Some recognized her for who she was. Others… they only looked at curiously and quickly walked away. It was easy to tell she was not in a mood to speak to others. But, surprisingly, someone came out of the shop.

It was an old man, very, very old. She guessed he would be at least a hundred years old by now, if not more. He did not seem to be afraid of her either… rather he approached her calmly as if he had some message to give her. He was clad in simple clothes of a dark color, but despite his age and simple, loose clothing she could tell he had once been a fighter. Sure, his pace was slow and halting, but that was due more so to age than anything else. He had a small cane in hand, but it seemed he did not rely on it. He walked alone and without help.

Vaguely it occurred to her she ought to help the man by moving closer to him, she had stopped ten feet in front of the shop and the man still had another six or seven feet left to go. But as she continued to look at him she knew she would not move to him. And so, patiently s he waited for him to come to her, but she did not wait patiently for her mind to tell her what it was that she could not remember.

Lost in thought and annoyance, she became startled when the man touched her briefly, tapping her arm lightly. Looking down at him in shrunken and shrewd form she saw that he was still very much alive in his eyes. There was a fire there… a great fire that told her he would not go down without a fight. She might have asked him what he wanted but instead he spoke. His voice was brittle and old, but there was a sort of strength to it that made her just a little more wary and respectful of him. She was old too, but she had yet to gain the knowledge that comes with adulthood. She was still a fledging in some sense.

“You ought to be rotting in hell.” Her face was blank and void of emotions, and yet in her mind she was startled. Why had he told her that? None here actually knew she’d been around and worked for Kusa for well over a hundred years. Wait… this man looked to be in his hundreds. Could he— “I suppose it is good you aren’t though,” he muttered, letting go of her arm. The thought occurred to her that he might be tired and that they should be sitting inside the shop or at least in some shade from the sun. “I have questions for you. Many questions. But the one I wish to ask most of all is this: Why did you kill my only love, Akiko, I thought you two were best friends?”

They stung, those words. She hated him then, hated him with a passion, but it soon quelled. He was right. She should have been rotting in hell. Looking away, she didn’t answer him, but he looked up at her steadily, waiting, knowing she would either kill him or tell him what he wanted for he would not give up now that she was here.


And she remembered now. This shop… it had been a place where they had hung out after their many spars. The man before her had only been but three years ahead of them and he was helping out his father with the running of the shop. It sold weapons, she remembered now, and it was one of the few places open after dark that was not along the lines of a bar. Swallowing just a little, Akiko fought back tears. And the man… he continued to watch her, seeing the slightly changes she made, knowing the woman before him would soon answer.



But why was this shop so important? They had only hung out here and talked, or in Kazuki’s case, god it hurt to even think her name, relax and eat. Akiko never ate. She merely went about the small shop looking at their weapons and trying a few out. She didn’t particularly like weapons, but she had to admit they had their uses. Kazuki always watched her with a sort of fascination and envy. She herself was not very familiar with weapons asides from kunai and shuriken. She had tried to learn the way of the sword, but it was hard. She just couldn’t seem to grasp it. And for Akiko it came easily… almost like second nature.

Each night she would put a weapon down before Kazuki finally finished the last of her meal and they’d go back to Kanto together… well Kazuki would walk with her until the forest’s edge. There they parted, Kazuki to her small little shack of a house and Akiko to the caverns below. Each day they’d meet again at that fork and walk back to the village, passing by the weapons shop and on to the training grounds for another spar or two, or perhaps to report to the Administration Office to receive their mission and complete it, and on the rare days: explore the village. To be honest, there really wasn’t that much to explore in Kusa. It was a small village, but not a humble one. It was decent and had been rising with their Kusakage. Still… Kazuki would drag her about the village and for some reason she had always let her.

But why was this shop so important for any reason other than that it was a place she had used to hang out at as a child? And slowly, tendrils of the memory came creeping into place. It was fuzzy at first, almost like the memory was but a mist slowly wafting its way into her mind, but she remembered at long last. She had gotten jealous here… extremely so.

At the time she had not been able to comprehend it, but now she knew what the feeling was: jealousy. And for what? For Kazuki’s attention. It was the day the boy, now a fledging teenager like themselves, had finally confessed his too obvious feelings about her to her. Akiko had been outside practicing with a small tanto in the light of a guttering torch or two when she glanced into the storefront’s window and spied the two kissing. At first she had merely froze mid swing, as if she were a statue. And then inside of her, some strange feeling she didn’t know of had bubbled up and about her. Her teeth had locked into place and the grip upon the tanto hardened until her hand pulsated from the pain it caused her.

Whether it was seconds or minutes, Akiko didn’t know. And she still didn’t know now. But she had let the tanto fly from her hand and imbed itself in the storefront’s deep wooden door and stalked away. She had gotten the hang of her bloodlust now, but tonight she was infuriated and beyond drinking blood bags docilely or knocking out a person before she drank from them.

But even so, she didn’t feel like meeting a person now. To cause an unnecessary death was something she didn’t want to do. She’d only take out her anger, her sudden burst strength, upon some poor teenager still about tonight or a drunkard or perhaps a wayward child. It would be obvious who the attacker was, at least to the Kazekage anyway, and he’d talk to her or would it file it away for future use. She was sure of it. And she did not wish to displease him or give him reason to thinks he was but a mere little weakling incapable of controlling herself.

Out of the village she went, her speed well above that of normal Genin and even Chuunin. Silently, she stalked the creatures of the night within Kusa’s various lands. She hunted them, but did not kill them. It was merely a way to ward off this strange burst of energy that came whenever she thought back to what she had seen mere hours ago.

The next day had been similar enough to their routines, but the words they spoke to one another were few and the bare minimum. She should have realized it then… that she loved Kazuki beyond being comrades or a sister, but she did not and it was her downfall. Later that day, they had began to walk back to the village and she had had a mind to leave Kazuki and let her walk to the shop by herself and taken the side path to go home early.

She thought she had left Kazuki then, but no, after half an hour’s walk someone’s hand slipped into hers. Her hand tightened, about to pull them into an submissive stance, but she soon recognized who the hand belonged to and pulled away. Kazuki held on tightly and stopped dead in her tracks, forcing Akiko to pause as well. For awhile they had stood like that, hand in hand, Kazuki about a foot or two away from Akiko.

Feeling the burst of energy rise in her again, Akiko pulled away harder, but oddly enough Kazuki held on despite the mild pain she was beginning to feel now. “Let go of me.” Her words were ice cold but otherwise void of any other feelings. Kazuki only held on tighter. “I said LET GO” snarled Akiko, jerking her hand away as hard as she could, hearing a small pop or crack in the air. Not bothering to look back she had walked off into the forest.

But still Kazuki came after her, but she noticed her footsteps were off. She was walking, yes, but in a slowed and uneven pace as if she had hurt her foot instead of her hand. She became worried then, had she broken her wrist or something or other? Reluctantly, Akiko paused and looked back at her. Grounding her teeth together she slowly walked over to the girl and took her hand, perhaps a bit too roughly for Kazuki bit her lip and drew blood, but no sound came out of her.

It was not broken, merely out of place. Without so much as a warning, she easily popped it back into place. She was going to let go of her, but for some reason she found her hands still lingering upon Kazuki’s own hand. Finally, letting go, she looked away. “Tch… Next time just let go of me when I tell you or I’ll break your arm,” she half warned, starting to walk away again.

Kazuki caught her yet again, not heeding her words or caring, she thought. Her hands were cool on her burning skin though and it was only when Kazuki touched her that she became aware how heated her skin was. Slowly, gently, Kazuki tugged on her arm and she allowed herself to be pulled back. “What?” she snapped, but her voice slowly becoming softer and less cruel.

“What happened last night?” she asked as gently as she could, no vice could be detected with her voice or even her face when Akiko dared to look her in the eyes. She didn’t answer her. And Kazuki didn’t let go of her. At this time Akiko was strong, but she was not as stubborn as Kazuki was. Finally, she gave in. “I wanted to go home unlike someone here who wanted to eat some boy’s face off.” The words rolled off her tongue in waves so that she thought they weren’t her own and they came out harsh and cruel, much more than she thought was possible, even for her.

Kazuki gave her a soft, sad smile and shook her head lightly and sighed. She let go of Akiko then. “Am I not the child and you the adult? You seem more the child than I.” She laughed lightly after this and Akiko could not help but smile just a little. “Let me stay with you tonight. I’m going to be alone tonight and I’d rather be with you if you don’t mind.” Akiko bristled for a moment. “What about your boyfriend?” she half sneered, not meaning to. Again the words came out cold and harsh, much more than she wanted them to be. Swallowing, she added “I… mean you two were together the other night. Why not stay with him?”

Kazuki gave her the same, soft, gentle smile like before and went up to her now. “What do you think, Akiko? What did you see? How much of it did you see?” “Enough,” answered Akiko in a clipped voice. “I think you didn’t see it all then,” she said softly, stepping even closer to her. She was taller than Akiko and could therefore look down at her. “Do you really think I like him so?” she asked her softly, gazing down at her with such gentle and soft eyes she could not say anything. And even if she were to say something, Kazuki had kissed her lightly on the lips and pulled away.

“But… I’ll see you tomorrow then. Thank you… Akiko…” She was going now, and her words seemed like a whisper to her. The kiss had been more than enough to explain it, but her last few words hurt more than seeing Kazuki kiss that boy or… the boy kissing Kazuki now that she at last knew the truth. “W-Wait… you can stay… tonight. Or… I…” But her voiced had faltered again. It seemed to her that Kazuki only smiled knowingly and went back to her, planting another soft kiss on her lips before letting her hand slide back into hers. This time she did not pull away but held on somewhat nervously, afraid that if she let go she might loose Kazuki forever.



Swallowing, fighting back tears, Akiko at long last looked at the old man, remembering his name. It was odd, she thought, for the two of them had stopped going to the weapons shop after that day... after the night they had first expressed feelings of love for one another, a love that was beyond friendship or siblings. "Takashi, we weren't best friends. We never were," she answered truthfully. For it was only now that she could accept what they had been: lovers.

He glared at her then, but did not show weakness. "Why are you back?" he asked coldly, leaning on his cane more heavily now. He might still be strong and fit for someone of his age, but even so, even so he could not last for long outdoors in the heat of the sun and the chill of the faint wind. And to his surprise and anger, Akiko laughed. It was a soft laughter, and had the man known her he would have known that that it was a laugh full of pain, memory, and sadness, not one of arrogance or contempt. "Why don't we go inside, old man." It was more of a command than a suggestion and promptly she walked inside the old weapons shop at long last.



Briefly she glanced at the spot where Kazuki had always sat at and ate her meals when they came back to the village. For a second one might have thought she had smiled, but it soon faded as quickly as it had come for it was replaced with the memory of Kazuki's forced kiss with the old man. She wanted to smack him or better yet, kill him and taste his blood. But... she had vowed to herself that so long as she was in the Lands of Kusa she would no longer take the lives of humans or their blood unless there be great need for it. Why? For the simple reason that whenever she began to think of blood here in Kusa her thoughts automatically jumped to Kazuki's death and she didn't wish to go through the pain and sadness yet again.

She had been depressed for awhile now, not just from Yamiyo's betrayal, but from her own betrayal too. In a sense she had not betrayed her love, but also her master... and her mother... not to mention her father... Her father had loved a woman once and would have broken the rules to save her life if he could. He would not have approved of her actions. And her mother? She had been aware of her connection to Kazuki and after she killed Kazuki she had ceased to treat her as her own. Sure, she nodded and smiled and spoke kindly to her, but they both knew it was a pretense. And her master... how could she have betrayed him? She had lived for him for so long and only him that to betray him was another fault she could not deal with now, not with the memory of Kazuki so strong and fresh within her mind.

Akiko was close to suicide really, it was only the memory of Kazuki, the regret with Kiyoshi, and the insistence of Yamiyo that she was live and of course... the fleeting hope that her master had revived himself some way. But it had been awhile since then if he had not come back now... would he not be dead for real this time? She felt ashamed too. Why? She almost wished that he'd stay dead for good because she was resentful of him for his order to kill Kazuki. But then she became ashamed of herself even more. Orders were orders, she should not be troubling over this mess so much. And... it wasn't his fault. It was hers and hers alone. She knew not how she would react to her master if he was indeed reborn again.

Silently, she waited for the old man to come, tears slipping down her face and onto her clothes: a simple collared white shirt with the collar popped out and folded nicely over the low v-line of the body hugging black sweater she wore along with loose black skinny jeans and a pair of black flats. She looked oddly... mundane, not a ninja at all. But most of all, she seemed vulnerable. It was only her eyes that gave away her ninja background, but right now they were filled with an endless sadness and misery, her long silver hair coming out before her and resting lightly on her shoulders. Her arms hung loose by her side until she heard the small bell chime signalling the old man coming in. Quickly, her arms came to life and a hand went to her eyes, wiping the tears away and her face became hardened again, but her eyes still held pain at the very least.

The pain in her eyes... it was obvious even to an outsider. It was only the sadness that could only be seen by those who knew her well or could read people exceptionally well. That sadness was hidden behind eyes of coldness, hatred, and pain. She looked at the man with contempt, waiting for him to ask his questions so that she might answer them all at once. But as she waited she noticed the strange feeling inside her chest and realized it as an aching of her heart. Just being her made her remember and feel even more depressed and worthless. The ache in her chest only grew and grew as the man silently pulled over a stool and slowly sat in it, facing her and motioning for her to sit on the floor.

She didn't like it... but she obeyed for now. At least sitting on the floor gave her an excuse to hug her knees to try to comfort herself and lay the side of her face against her legs so that she might hide the tears that were threatening to spill again. And in the back of her mind she wondered why she cried so. Had she not cried enough these past days and nights? That was all she had been doing... crying... remembering... hating herself... misery... It was like hell on earth...

He grunted something and Akiko glanced up at him. “What?” she asked, the word sounding strangely hollow to her ears. Sighing, the man finally looked her straight in the eyes. He too could still remember that day he had forcefully kissed Kazuki and a result they had stopped coming to the weapons shop. “… Do you know what it has been like all these years?” he asked her quietly. She didn’t answer him, only looking away, hiding her face again, her hair trailing out in front of her and easily hiding her face for her. “I loved her, I really did, you know,” he murmured softly, his voice harsh and ragged. “Could you at least do me a favor by telling me of her death… of why you killed her?” he pressed, trying to be gentle. “You owe me that much.”

Wearily, she looked at him, glaring at him. “The only ones I owe an explanation to are her parents!” she spat out in annoyance. Had he not understand what never coming to his shop again meant? “She never loved you like you loved her. She might have liked you at some point, but you ruined any chances you might have had with her.” “And how can you be so sure of this? She’s dead now! Do you have any idea of how much I loved her?!” he yelled back at her, breathing deeply and heavily now. Akiko got to her feet lightly and before he knew what had happened she had let her fingers graze across the side of his face, drawing blood. “Wha—“

“I’m tired of hearing you complain about her death! And I know she doesn’t love you because she loves me!” she snapped, her hand quivering as she thought to strike him again. “If you truly love her, you would never say loved,” she started, as her hand drew blood from the other side of his face, her voice cracking just the slightest. “You don’t love her… You never did and you never will. You don’t love her for the right reasons,” she whispered, her breath caught in her throat and she turned away, blinking, desperate to not let the tears fall as they threatened to do so.

Slowly, his hands went to his face and Takashi reddened in anger and then he laughed. “She loved you?” he sneered. “Why would she ever like someone like you? You took advantage of her, you killed her!” Takashi should have known better, but he truly didn’t have much to loose. He was an old man who needed to die but had fought and stayed alive hoping that something like this day would happen.

Akiko turned on him then, her eyes glinting red with hatred and anger. “I could kill you right now. And I want to kill you,” she hissed, moving so that her face was mere centimeters away from his. “I can kill you in so many ways Takashi. Do you know, I can keep you alive for days before truly killing you? And I kill you in such a way that you will not pass out from the pain and will be very much alive until the very end. Your father worked for the Kusakage did he not? Surely you know of Kanto.” And he paled now. “Let me tell you this: the rumors you heard as a young boy years ago is still true now. Wherever my master is, he is very much alive.”

He swallowed lightly. “Your master’s the son of a bitch and deserves to be in hell.” Akiko only gave him a wry smile. “But of course…” she started softly and he became afraid again, just slightly. “But Takashi… what if my master is a devil? Tell me that then? He has come back and been reborn many times. Who is to say he is not walking this earth yet again. What would hell be to he that is a devil?”

Shaking, Takashi grimaced and tried to think of something to say, to goad her into killing him. “Then you are a devil too!” Feeling strangely calm now, Akiko laughed this time. “I suppose I am. My own mother and father would never approve me as I am. But if I am but a devil because I worked for a devil, then you are a spawn of a devil for your own father worked the devil. Tell me… do you honestly think I can’t tell what you want?” Why did she feel as calm as she did now? It was… strange.

“… I suppose it is rather hard to hide anything from you but…” he paused here and took in a breath to calm himself. “You… are only a devil because you killed the woman you said loved you and I assume the woman you loved. Your master is a devil for his own reasons, as are you.” And he saw that he had one for she lost her calmness and her hands settled on this neck, applying pressure. “Kill me demon. What reason do you have to keep me alive? You had no reason to kill Kazuki. You have no reason to kill me. You are naught more than a demon!” More pressure.



“Akiko… why did you kill him? He had surrendered to us,” asked Kazuki quietly, stumbling over to her. “You didn’t have to kill him. Your life is bloody enough as it is, don’t bloody it anymore.” She turned then and faced her, letting the young man fall lifelessly to the ground. “Kazuki… its our mission. We were told to—“ “To prevent them from accessing the village. That was all. That didn’t mean we had to kill him.” “He would have gotten more recruits and came to the village.” “Akiko…” sighed Kazuki. “What?” she half snapped before falling to her knees.

Kazuki rushed towards her and laid gentle hands on her shoulders. “What’s wrong?” she asked, worried that Akiko might have been injured after all. It was a bit of a stretch, sending out Genin on a B Rank mission, but they were students of Kanto and as such held more potential than the average Genin, even the average Chuunin some would say. Ranks didn’t mean much to them, only skill. “Akiko?” she asked, the worry in her voice thickening sharply.

Akiko had closed her eyes and she opened them now, waving a hand to Kazuki lightly. “Ade, I’m fine. Don’t worry so. It’s nothing more than a scratch to me. You need to get back to the village and healed.” Her other hand pushed against the ground and she used that force to try to stand back up but only sent a spasm of pain through her body. Blood. She needed it… if she could just drink a little bit of blood she’d be able to heal just a little faster, calm her nerves down and not feel the pain as strongly. Blood was like pleasure, her mother had told her, and indeed it was. It could melt that pain away long enough for Akiko get a hold of herself and do some minor medical work so that she’d last till the village gates.

Kauzki crossed her arms and grudgingly went over to the dead man Akiko had just killed by driving a kunai across his throat, cutting apart his life line. It had been a painless kill, she knew that, but… the thought of killing people still didn’t settle well with her. She could kill, yes, but when it was not during the heat of battle she had difficulty in taking the lives of others. “You’ve been bloodied all your life… I suppose just a little more blood would be alright,” she sighed, bringing the body to Akiko. “Next time… think a little, alright? Everyone was born for a reason. Don’t take their life just because you can. Sometimes death is a blessing, other times it is a curse. Don’t curse yourself, Akiko. I love you, and if you became cursed I think I’d become cursed trying to cure you. Save us both the trouble, alright?” she said, looking her in the eyes and walking away from the battlefield. “I’ll meet you at the camp site.”

’Damn it Kazuki… do you want my healing to be as painful as my injuries?!’ thought Akiko, almost angry with Kazuki. Taking someone’s life she had been told to take wasn’t that big of a deal, geez, what was up with Kazuki? Still, when she bent over the man’s open veins, she didn’t taste the blood or feel the pleasure that came with it. She just felt sick… ‘Damn it Kazuki,’ she mumbled, shoving the body aside. Well, she hadn’t registered she was okay, but her body sure had. Sighing and grunting in pain, she managed to stand and begin to stagger off to where their camp was.

When she made it there Kazuki was calmly waiting for her, cooking up some stew from a fresh kill and local herbs, freshly cleaned and void of any signs of having been on a chase for the past couple of days or having just fought and stained her hands red. She took one look at her and then threw her head back laughing. “Shut up,” grumbled Akiko, slowly limping her way to the river nearby. But Kazuki was soon by her side, helping her. She stumbled and limped too, but not as badly as Akiko. “You’re getting bloody again… You’ll have to take another bath,” warned Akiko as she became increasingly aware of the scent of blood on Kazuki’s fresh body.

She only stopped and looked down at her, smiling slyly. “I know.” And somehow they managed to make it to the river just a little faster. In the water, her body relaxing just a little and the pain dying, she finally started to say something to Kazuki, having been stunned into silence (and a bit too distracted for the first couple of minutes to really say anything). “… You… I hate you for what you said.” Kazuki slowly swam over to her and smiled at her again. “I know.” And without spoken consent they both knew who had won that night.



The pressure on Takashi’s neck eased up and soon her hands were gone. “You won’t die by hand,” murmured Akiko, but even so, she pulled out one of the gleaming weapons on the wall. “That doesn’t mean I can’t bleed you a little.” And with that said, the gleaming weapon, nothing but a simple tanto, cut through the man’s wrist with a force that severed the bone and his hand fell away. “Understand this: I am not entirely human like my master.” Quickly, her mouth went to his severed arm. Her tongue but grazed over the monstrous wound several times. The coagulation of blood would start sooner now, much, much faster than a human’s body normally should. He would not die of blood loss. But she did not drink the blood that fell into her mouth. When she was done she pulled away and spat out the mouth of blood at him. “I don’t save your life because I pity you. I save your life because I want you to suffer. You are a strong man, I can tell that, even now. You will live for another score of years yet.” And her hand reached out, touching the severed limb, sending a flow of lightning chakra into his body that activated his nerve cells, numbing the pain he felt and forcing his body to heal the wound even faster. She would not be surprised if the wound closed over in just a few days.

And she walked of the shop, but not before pausing by his ear and whispering “She never loved you. She loves me and I her. I will never cease to stop loving her. Whether she still loves me or not, I can not say, but I know that I will never forget her or stop loving her, even if she is dead right now. And in death if I may, I will continue to love her. Do not say you love her, Takashi, I know you only loved her for her body, not for who she is. I ought to kill you, but killing you would only be a blessing to you. Live and suffer Takashi.”


Still… she felt as if there was more in store for her. Her heart still throbbed horribly so, but at least she had finally settled herself with Takashi. Odd how she’d been afraid of him as a child, hating to think how their confrontation would go ever since she had embedded that weapon in his door. Now that she thought about it, she had done more than that. She had likely broken the weapon as well and if she remembered correctly she had been letting lighting run along the blade’s length and that lightning had probably charred the door just a bit, maybe even starting a small fire in the shop.

But she felt better now, if just the tiniest bit. With this small newfound energy she began to walk about the village again, paying more attention to the buildings. Memories came rushing back to her, but none of which outright caused her to weep again. A small smile was on her face in the upright corners of her mouth and the lightness of her eyes.

‘Kazuki… where are you? Is there truly an afterlife? A heaven? Are you an angel now? A ghost? A spirit? Have you been reborn? If you are… please… let me find you again. Can we start over? Can I be forgiven? Do you still love me so? Kazuki… if only I could but go back in time,’ thought Akiko, the words whispered to the winds. ‘Kazuki… can you tell me why it is that I am here? Why do I feel so drawn to come back here?’

Without knowing it, Akiko had come to the old training grounds of Kusa. There had been a new training ground erected since all the advancements, but the old one remained and many ninja stilled used it, well… ninja wannabes that is. For a few seconds she had stood there amidst all the sounds of battle, remembering old spars. And then her feet had their own will again and she bounded off to the surrounding forests. Slowly, quietly she made her way through the area, none of the combatants stopping or even noticing her. She felt like a ghost almost, and she might as well have been one.

As she began to recollect her thoughts and figure out just where exactly she was, she became aware that this was the place. Her body became cold and she went numb. Why had she come here? She had wanted to here last. Always in her mind she had told herself she’d come here last, but… she supposed it was better to come here now than later. Gulping for air, just beginning to realize she hadn’t been breathing, she took in gulps of the precious life force. Her heart was beating wildly and she willed herself to calm down. Slowly, reluctantly, her body eased and relaxed.

She had control of her body now, but when she moved forward to the center of the field she felt as if the body wasn’t her own. Her movements were awkward and stiff, she was sure everyone within the area could hear now. She’d been silent all of her life; able to move without making a sound, but now she made so much noise. The squish and squeak from the grass blades being broken by her weight, twigs snapping, rocks sliding and rolling around, kicking up dust and dirt. Swallowing, she found her mouth half open, breathing through it raggedly.

Clamping it shut, aware that her mouth seemed to be trembling just the slightest bit, her teeth clattering against each other and her tongue getting small little bites, she tried to block out the signs of her weakness. It was strange and frustrating and depressing all the same. She was a killer and had been raised a killer all her life and now she was acting like a scared three year old about the monster in the closet.

Raising a hand to calm her self, she started to inflict a wound upon her arm, but was stopped as a whisper of a word approached her. “W… Why?” And her hand froze in mid air as it brought back the memory of the last minutes of the fight. Shivering and quivering, Akiko’s eyes scanned the area about her in fear and worry. At last her gaze settled on a familiar tree which looked like it ought to have died by now, but it hadn’t. Stunted in growth from their attacks, the tree had barely grown much more than an inch or two these several years.

Unwillingly, she was taken to the tree and couldn’t remember how or when she had fallen to her knees by the side of the tree with her hand tracing the ugly scars. Her free hand went to her abdomen and she slipped the hand under her clothes. The coolness of her numbed hand felt strange on her skin and she gently ran a hand against the now faded scar. She blinked once and her hands almost jerked back to her side, one hand scraping against the tree’s bark dangerously.

For a long time she just sat there and looked at the spot, remembering not what just had happened, but what she had felt. She supposed she had suppressed the memory to the point that her mind had accepted it as a dream or some lie but for some reason that blockade, that lock, had broken. She remembered now what she had tried to lock away several decades ago. For a minute, just a minute, she was unaware of her chakra leaking out of her body in the most simplest of Genjutsus.

Even as her mind and body began to register the fact that this was a Genjutsu, she refused to believe it. She didn’t want to believe that it was just an illusion. It had to be real. And for her… for her it felt so real. Trembling, eyes wide, she watched as a bloody Kazuki lifted herself up off the ground and smiled at her as if she’d just woken up from a nap and known that Akiko had been watching her sleep for awhile.

“Akiko~” she chimed as if the wound across her chest was of little concern, little more than a flesh wound. She turned to her then and stared at her questioningly. “What’s wrong?”

Trembling even more, Akiko found herself crying inside and out. Haltingly, she raised a hand and moved it towards the girl, but just as soon as she would have touched her, her hand jerked away and fell to her side uselessly. Her mouth opened several times and each time she couldn’t say a thing. But the girl came toward her and reached out a hand to her and she shied away. Slowly, very slowly, the words came drifting out. “Y-You… You’re… d-dead…” she whispered, feeling a fresh wave of tears.

She only cocked her head to the side and stared at her questioningly, cupping her chin. “Akiko, I’m not dead.” At that moment Akiko wanted desperately to reach out to her and touch her, hoping, hoping that maybe she’d be real. But the girl turned away, no longer looking at her and slowly stood up. “But… if you say I’m dead… I guess I’m dead… You always were right about things in the end, weren’t you?” She walked away then, the place beginning to fade to white.

“W-Wait!” And the whole place paused perfectly in place. The girl stopped and turned, glancing back at her. “What? I’m leaving, just like you told me to since I’m dead after all.” Swallowing again, feeling as if she were choking on air, Akiko unsteadily got to her feet. “I… I…” “You what?” But she couldn’t speak again. “Akiko… can I ask you something?” She couldn’t speak, but managed to nod.

“… Who killed me…?” And somehow she had found her voice again, remembered to speak, but the voice didn’t sound like her own. It sounded so strange and foreign to her ears she thought was dreaming. “I… I-I did.” It came out as little more than a whisper, but somehow the girl heard her.

“… Why did you… kill… me…?” she asked slowly, but in her ever sweet and innocent voice as if she didn’t quite believe her. “We’re… friends aren’t we?” she asked, her own voice quavering now. “Lovers… really… r-right?” she asked, her own voice barely a whisper. She turned away then and Akiko knew without a doubt that her heart was shattering apart even more now, if she even had a piece of a heart left…

Shaking terribly, she got up herself and started to walk towards the girl. “W-We are… I-I love you.” She stopped short though, too afraid of what would happen. “T-Then w-why?” Akiko felt even more horrible now, it was as if she could actually hear the girl crying, feel her grief. Did she grieve for them both then? Was that why she hurt so? “I-I don’t… I don’t…” But the illusion was fading again, start to fade out to white once more, resuming as if time had thought it had frozen enough for them. “K… Kazuki! Wait! D-Don’t go…” cried Akiko, racing towards her only to find the place had already faded to white.

Numbed throughout her whole body, she stood there alone and empty…

The whiteness became blinding and she didn’t know she had fallen asleep against the scarred tree, her face stained with tears. She didn't know it, but her Satoshigan... her Mangekyou Satoshigan was slowly starting to come back piece by piece. But even if she had known of it at the moment she doubted she'd use it. She didn't have the heart... How could she? How could she kill someone again? Maybe she was really just frail and weak inside. But if she couldn't kill... then... why did she exist?