An Unlikely Family[P]

Natsumi rolled her eyes when Aoitori cursed at her, threatening to cut her face up. Of course, she didn't want that, if he DID actually do that, there was gonna be problems in this little 'family' that formed. She did notice when Aoitori seemed.... distracted? At the same time, she sensed Saib getting closer to the Raikage, which made her feel quite nervous/mad for some reason. What could she be doing?! Wait, wasn't it Natsumi's job to protect the Raikage? Then, why wasn't she doing her job?! But, Saib seems like a somewhat decent girl. But that wasn't the point! As being Kiyoshi's bodyguard, she had to be wary of EVERYBODY, no matter WHO they were.

She blinked then blushed out of embarressment when Aoitori somewhat complimented her. She didn't need his words, though. Natsumi dodged the same techniques he used not too long ago and that made her eyebrow lift up slightly. She crossed her arms, making her breasts press a bit, making them a bit more shown though she didn't care. Natsumi tilted her head to the side, and her eyes were closed. She seemed to be fighting with herself. 'Either... Raikage-sama... or keep sparring Aoitori....' She still had some sort of red/pink-ish color on her cheeks but they were soon dissapearing.

'Raikage-sama... or.. Aoitori...', to Aoitori, Natsumi might've seen biploar-ish from the way she was agitated, embarrassed and then calm all in what, 2 minutes? "Heh", she opened her eyes and winked at Aoitori. "You're not too bad yourself, hot shot. Too bad, though..", she trailed off as she looked towards the village. It was obvious of what she was going to do. She turned her eyes to Aoi and winked again, "Oy ~! I'd better go and see what Saib is doing with Raikage-sama.. I AM his bodyguard after all..."

She walked towards Aoi and passed him, their shoulders touching and she said. "Take a rain check for our spar, ne, Aoi~?", her voice sounded gentle, as gentle as the wind when it blew over the village and with that she stepped onto the ledge, seeing as under the eldge quickly the window was there. Natsumi contemplated whether jumped down, then use chakra on her feet to climb through the window or not. It seems like a good idea, why not? Natsumi jumped, seeing as it wasn't that much big of a 'jump, considering Kiyoshi's house is one-story. She landed with a soft thud, a bit of debris f;ew but nothing too big as she dusted herself off, then looked at the window that she exited and was now going to enter.

Natsumi backed up; 5 to 9 paces before running towards the wall. When her right foot connected to the wall, she had concentrated her chakra to her feet and was now quickly entering the window. Her eyes wandered over to the kitchen door, sensing that Saib and Raikage-sama where there. Quickly, the young Chuunin ran to the door and in the kitchen and her eyes widened. It seemed she wasn't missed after all, seeing as it might've appeared as if they were having a moment. Of course, Natsumi was hurt, seeing as she felt something for the Raikage but nonetheless she ignored the feeling and pushed it aside.

"I thought something terrible happened, seeing as I don't know amuch about Saib-sama, nor trust her that much around you, Raikage-sama", Natsumi's eyes looked at Saib and then closed her eyes. "Sorry, but I just don't trust anyone that easily. I do hope you understand". 'That and I feel somewhat not missed here...' Maybe she SHOULD have stayed with Aoitori, or something. It was much more interesting sparring with him, instead of seeing this but she would just have to suck it up and wait for their reactions, IF they had any.

Aoitori just stared at her while she talked and thought. 'Ade... this girl is odd, that's for sure.' He thought the same thing when she 'forfeited'. But at her last comment to him before she left he couldn't help but feel what... a little... touched? No, he shouldn't have felt touched. He didn't like her. He didn't care about her. But then why did he felt touched by her soft and gentle voice? And why was it that where they had touched he felt... felt what?

He struggled to grasp what the feeling was, but couldn't quite put his finger on it. What was that feeling? He couldn't... He couldn't have fallen for her could he? But he found himself sheathing his sword and glancing back at her as she came off the roof.

'Ade, ade, I can't be falling for her can I?' he thought with annoyance. 'Nineteen years I've lived without feeling love for anyone. Anyone! And now... after one spar I'm left thinking about a young woman who's chosen the same path as I!' Aoitori mentally sighed and drew in a long, deep breath. Very slowly, he began to follow Natsumi.

And it never once occurred to him that maybe, just maybe his people could find another true protector. With so little contact between one another after finishing their training it would be of little surprise that many did not know they often found another to replace their previous true client once they failed in protecting them. It was rare, yes, but not impossible.

But unlike Natsumi he didn't actually go inside. He just stood outside, waiting, listening, sensing.

"Is that so..." murmured Saib softly. He was enjoying it in a sense, but it seemed he was too surprised and shocked by her actions to be able to think very clearly and thus hadn't been able to fully get her underlying intent.

She would have liked to mess with him more, finding out if he had any feelings for Natsumi... or even her, but her chances were ruined as Natsumi herself showed up.

Carefully, Saib cast a glance at her. It might have looked as if she were annoyed, but in truth she wasn't. Why? She wasn't actually trying to seduce the Raikage as much as the scene depicted it. That and she had recieved an answer. She had barely managed to catch it, the small hint of pain in Natsumi's body at seeing the two of them like so.

"I thought something terrible happened, seeing as I don't know amuch about Saib-sama, nor trust her that much around you, Raikage-sama"

Saib slowly raised an eye at this. The girl was rather lucky she was someone of mild importance and that she herself didn't like flaunting her own power. Thoughts of Thai's 'wife' came to her and she mentally shivered. That woman would destroy whole nations if she could. She hoped she'd never become like that.

She met Natsumi's eyes with her own and agains she sensed that feeling of pain... suffering... Did Natsumi really like the Raikage? "Sorry, but I just don't trust anyone that easily. I do hope you understand"

Almost as if to annoy her more, Saib wrapped a gentle arm about the Raikage's neck and half kissed him on the check before letting go and moving away. "Its nothing. I understand why you'd be so concerned, but..." She took a few steps closer to Natsumi. "Just because your his bodyguard doesn't mean you can prevent him from having a life... right bodyguard?" she asked softly so that only Natsumi could hear.

In louder voice she continued as if she had just stepped towards Natsumi for a better look at her face or body. Briefly she glanced over Natsumi and a faint smile formed on her face. "Why would I ever want to hurt our Raikage? In retrospect I think you hurt him more. But to think that you'd go out and come back looking like this..."

A simple glance at Natsumi's clothing had made Saib well aware that Aoitori was somewhere nearby despite her inability to sense him. She guessed that Natsumi had either said something that truly angered Aoitori into fighting her, extremely unlikely; or, he had came to her and comforted her somehow, offering to fight her to boost her faith in herself, more likely. Still... to think that Aoitori was that kind of guy.

Wait... Aoitori was that... kind of a guy... Then why... Why didn't he do anything to her? What was wrong with her? Was it because she was his client and he therefore couldn't do anything to her? Saib became troubled at this and even saddened, but she wouldn't let it be shown. Not now. She needed to keep up this facade to find out what these two's feelings for one another were. She already had guesses and ideas, but she preferred to confirm such thoughts before thinking too deeply upon them. But it still hurt. Did Aoitori care for her as nothing more than a client?

'... This is one great day,' thought Aoitori, frowning on the inside. 'She likes him, he likes her, she likes him, and he likes who?' thought Aoitori grudgingly. What a great 'family' this was going to be.

As time slowly went on, Kiyoshi began to slowly succumb to the massage that Saib was giving him and it was starting to sooth him in ways that he couldn’t imagine. Kiyoshi’s breathing started to go from extreme quickening speed to a slow and relaxing rhythm as he started to simply melt into it while he continued to keep his eyes closed and his body relaxed as if he had no other care in the world. It was then that, as if on quo, Kiyoshi could hear Natsumi running through the kitchen door. At first, Kiyoshi couldn’t quite grip that, but after a second, his eyes sprang open to meet her gaze.

Right then and there, he could feel a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that always made him feel as if he was going to get sick. This feeling was the feeling Kiyoshi always got if he felt like something bad was going to happen soon enough, and it usually isn’t wrong either so that realization that there was a high percentile chance that something was going to happen that didn’t spell good for him was making him all the more sick to his stomach to the point where he had to hold onto it for a second before trying to collect himself.

It was then that Natsumi finally spoke and gave an explanation as to why she had ran into the kitchen like she had. It was strange that amongst this slight silence, he hadn’t even bothered to wonder exactly why she was running into the kitchen thanks to the only thing allowing itself in his mind is that terrible feeling that something bad was bound to happen soon. The thought of it all was giving Kiyoshi those slightly painful feelings once again but he simply ignored it this time.

Once she was done, Kiyoshi could feel that awkward silence reigning in once more. Kiyoshi couldn’t quite place it in his mind, but Natsumi had a certain kind of tone in her voice as she spoke. It seemed as if she was expressing despair of some sort at their actions prior to her arrival. But why would she care that much? I mean, she was his new bodyguard, yes but it was pretty evident that he wasn’t in any particularly physical danger and that he was doing quite well so he couldn’t place as to why she seemed so… upset.

Kiyoshi’s confused and nervous look turned into one of concern as he looked towards the Storm Guardian, wondering what it would take to keep her from becoming even more upset. Kiyoshi slowly opened his mouth as he was about to express his concern for her. “Natsumi…” It was then that he felt an arm slowly wrap around his neck in some sort of hugging manner and lips quickly pressing themselves on his cheek before he was let go and saw Saib walking towards Natsumi. Kiyoshi heard Saib speak to her in what seemed to be a nonchalant way, but then she started talking and Kiyoshi could quite get all of it. Kiyoshi tilted his head in confusion as the girls faced each other. ‘Exactly what is going on?’

Natsumi said nothing when Saib talked to her, in fact she had nothing to say to her at the moment. She just felt... felt what? Hurt, could that be? Natsumi had already decided to push her feelings for the Raikage away and ignore them, so why...? It did annoy her a bit when Saib put her arm around Kiyoshi's neck and half kissed him on the cheek. But, she knew to succeed as the Raikage-s bodyguard, she had to let go of her feelings for him..

'Nothing more.... Nothing less...' She mentally sighed heavily. 'It was I that chose to become his bodyguard... I'll just have to learn to live with it..' Buuut, that didn't mean she will put up with Saib's little tease. Oh no. Natsumi wasn't dumb when it came to things like this. Her eyes were fierce yet she had a smile on her face. No wait, more like a smirk. As Saib was close, she decided to let her speak. It was a miracle that she wasn't feeling hurt, in fact she felt quite the opposite.

"Listen, miss", her tone of voice completely changed. As if she adapted another personality or something. She placed a hand on her hip and spoked in a whisper, only her and Saib could hear. "I know my place. I know I'm his bodyguard, but doesn't mean I have to trust you completely still. I am a bodyguard, the Storm Guardian of the Vongola family, second in command when the 11th appears". Her tone of voice was cold now, but yet had some... tease in it? As if trying to hide her real feelings. Natsumi then looked at herself and blinked then looked at Saib "Me and your bodyguard were having a lil spar. He really made my day", a smile appeared on Natsumi's face, and it didn't seem like a fake one. Then, she appeared annoyed "But, he liked targetting my pajamas... bastard", she placed a hand behind her head and scratched it, letting out a yawn.

"Even if I sometimes hate his guts. Aoi-san is really nice, though I'll never say it to his face", Natsumi looked at Saib, analyzing her and trying to see if she was putting up walls. 'Maybe she is, maybe she isn't'. Why would Natsumi care? She might've seemed completely moody to them, but that's how she would deal with a serious blow like the one she recieved. 'If the Raikage wants to be with Saib, I can't stand in his way. After all, I'm only here to protect him. Nothing more, nothing less...'

Though, her mind quickly went to Aoitori. Her face became annoyed for a minute, then quickly it dissapeared, how could that guy be in her mind?? She doesn't even know him that well! Natsumi looked at Kiyoshi, for a minute her eyes seemed saddened, in pain but they quickly vanished as she grinned at him and said a slightl "Hello", to him. No matter what's gonna happen, she will not let the Raikage know about her feelings. But now, is she starting to feel something for... Aoitori? 'NEVER!', she shook her head and then bowed to Kiyoshi. "I'm going to go change... Excuse me, Raikage-sama...", her eyes then went to Saib as her original 'personality' came back. "And Saib". She turned and spoke again "..Sorry if I interrupted anything, my lord", with that she left the room and went towards the bathroom when she found her clothes.

When she entered the bathroom, she locked the door and pressed her back agaisnt the door, a sigh left her lips. Then she slid to the floor "Exactly what is going on with me...?" She held her clothes tightly to her chest as she closed her eyes, almost wishing she could cry but she couldn't.

"I know my place. I know I'm his bodyguard, but doesn't mean I have to trust you completely still. I am a bodyguard, the Storm Guardian of the Vongola family, second in command when the 11th appears" Saib only nodded lightly at this to show she comprehended the girl's message but honestly... threatening a daimyo's daughter in a sense?

But she could sense the discomfort in Natsumi. 'So she does like him to some extent. I won-- WHAT?!' "Is that so?" murmured out Saib calmly, completely hiding her true feelings of anger, hatred, and pain. 'I... I'll just have to get over it,' she thought grudingly.

She was a little too stunned to do very much after Natsumi left asides from glancing at path Natsumi had taken and the window. She only half paid attention to the Raikage. Her mind was whirling on what had happened between Aoitori and Natsumi though.

He really made my day... ...liked targetting my pajamas... ...Aoi-san is really nice... Made... her day... targetting her pajamas... really nice... ... .... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... A-Aoi-san... ... ...? She... called him Aoi-san... D... Did he let her... But he... he hates nicknames... w-why... A-Aoi-san?

And despite her usual strong ability to hide her feelings and thoughts, her eyes were becoming downcast and her hair had swung forward to hide her face. She wasn't focusing on anything at all, her eyes having a sort of glazed over look to them. There were few things that could get her so upset that she'd lose control of her facial expressions but... she really did like Aoitori, loved him deeply. She just didn't know how to tell him. That and she suspected he already knew she either had a crush on him or liked him...

'I... I can't cry. If A-Aoi... Aoitori really likes her then I should just move on. M-Maybe I can grow to love the Raikage? Gaeul once told me that he could have grown to love me if we really had to marry... So I can do the same right?' thought Saib miserably.
____________________________________________________________________
'Saib... what are you planning? You usually don't hurt people like this. Why are you acting like and the Raikage have a thing going anyway? ... Saib...' Aoitori mentally sighed as she heard Natsumi's footsteps trailing off towards the bathroom.

He probably should have went inside to ask what the hell was going on, but he already had a good idea of what was going on, and Saib would tell him later anyway. But instead, he went on to the bathroom window. Carefully he sensed for Natsumi's chakra signal, glad to find that she was still near the door and not moving, meaning she hadn't changed yet.

He would've liked to see her, a little, maybe, but he just didn't want to make her more unhappy. 'Wait a minute. Why do I care if she's happy or not? And... why do I feel happy when I remember her saying I made her day and that I was nice? ... ... ...'

Slowly, he slipped into the bathroom, not making a sound. He simply leaned alongside the window, arms crossed looking at Natsumi. "Exactly what is wrong with me...?"

And as he watched her close her eyes and just simply sit there breathing he envisioned waking up next to her in bed and watching her sleep. She seemed peaceful enough in appearance, wouldn't she be even more peaceful and beautiful if she were truly relaxed? '... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... The hell was I just thinking? ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...' he thought silently to himself, remaining as emotionless as ever on the outside.

Quietly, he moved so that he came to sit beside of her. "You know... I could sit here and ask myself that all day too, but there's no use dwelling on the past and what might be. Natsumi..." he paused momentarily, realizing this was perhaps one of the first times he was using her name without some ill meaning or tone to it (even if he sounded annoyed or angry right now). Continuing, "I'm sorry about ruining your clothes. I'm willing to buy you a new set or give something of equal value. What can I do to repay you?" he asked, his armour slightly brushing up against her.

Kiyoshi placed his elbows on top of the dining table in front of him as they continued to talk amongst themselves. At first, it started out in sort of a whispering tone but then it would gradually get louder and louder in his point of view. Kiyoshi didn’t know if it was them building up a bit of tension with each passing second, causing their voices to absentmindedly raise up slight with each word that came out of their mouths or if he was just concentrating hard enough on them that his ears were starting to get used to the sound of their voices, causing his hearing to increase enough to hear them.

Whatever it was, Kiyoshi was starting to hear their talking just a little bit better piece by piece in order to possibly have a clue as to what they were talking about and as to what was causing this tremendous tension going on in the room. Maybe it had something to do with that terrible feeling he had earlier. But he did however hear something coming from Natsumi about sparring with Saib’s bodyguard and then something else about pajamas, probably referring to what she had on, and something about targeting and something about being nice, it was really confusing without getting the full story though.

Kiyoshi looked towards Natsumi as she gave him a look that he wasn’t exactly sure how to comprehend. Was that sadness in her expression? He didn’t really have that much time to contemplate it due to the fact that she would instantly change after just a second before she grinned at him and also greeted him. Kiyoshi noticed that Natsumi realy did have a nice smile that seemed to glow the room despite that gloomy expression Kiyoshi could have sworn he saw a moment ago.

He let out a sigh, Kiyoshi wasn’t exactly sure where his own feelings laid. He did feel that Natsumi did have a beautiful appearance, a personality that can be rough around the edges but warm and sweet on the inside, something in relevance to a nice desert. But he wasn’t exactly sure if he really liked her in that way. It wouldn’t be surprising to him in the least if he did, but he was just way too lost in the world of romance to know about his own feelings for sure, it was just too confusing for him to really think about too much.

When she announced her departure and bowed to Kiyoshi, giving him her apologies in the meantime, Kiyoshi could help but cringe a bit. In all honesty, Kiyoshi didn’t mind that she entered the room too much, the only thing that he did mind was that she felt so upset at the moment. And considering the fact that he believed that he was the one that made her upset in the first place, he felt like taking the blame for this one, making him think a bit less of himself. At first, Kiyoshi wanted to speak with her, but he let her go on and change to give her some space and privacy for a bit.

Once she left, the bad feeling didn’t leave him though. As a matter of fact, it only grew worse once she left, causing him to question his own feelings once more. Maybe he did have a thing for her. Again, certainly wouldn’t be a surprise. I mean, not that Saib wasn’t a nice girl but Natsumi… there was just a thing about her that he couldn’t shake out of his head, keeping her in his mind for a majority of his time.

Once it was all said and done, Kiyoshi slid back on his chair and stood up from the dining table, walking up to Saib who appeared to have a grim aura also. “Saib, what’s going on? The both of you seem a bit.... stessed all of a sudden."

She didn't move, not once. She was trying to cry, trying to get the feeling of sadness to go away, the feeling of pain to leave. But, why did she care so much? Natsumi didn't know the Raikage that well, nor Saib. So, why was thinking of them together would hurt her? Wait, WHY was she even thinking about them? Didn't she decide already to move on?

'That's right... Just gotta move on', as she looked up, she heard this. "You know... I could sit here and ask myself that all day too, but there's no use dwelling on the past and what might be. Natsumi...", she turned to look beside her and see Aoitori. First, she was confused on how the hell he got into the bathroom... She might've forgotten about the window in the bathroom...

Secondly, she felt anger. Why the hell was he in the bathroom when she was about to change?! And third... what? "I'm sorry about ruining your clothes. I'm willing to buy you a new set or give something of equal value. What can I do to repay you?" he asked her, his armour brushing up slightly agaisnt her, making her feel embarrased and try to back away but failed miserably. "W-Why would you..", she trailed off, looking away from Aoitori, glaring at the floor instead of him. "Why do you... Why do you care? Shouldn't you be with your client right about now?" she looked at Aoitori now. Her green eyes staring at his eyes, clutching her clothes to her chest very tightly.

Natsumi felt very, very weird when Aoitori was close to her. In fact, just the brushing of his armour made her shudder a bit. Since when was he sorry for her? Wasn't he usually just trying to get her annoyed? And since when did he start calling her by her name? It was... Rather nice? 'What the.... Seriously?!' Natsumi quickly got up, and got a bit away from Aoitori, he was just a bit close to her.. And she didn't like that much. Natsumi turned her head away "It's fine. You don't have to repay me..", what she really meant to say was 'You owe me some new pajamas, buster! I would give you bruises right about now but... yeah... Bathroom..'


She then remembered what he had said not too long ago."You know... I could sit here and ask myself that all day too, but there's no use dwelling on the past and what might be. Natsumi..." At the moment, Natsumi was confused greatly... She knew she felt feelings towards the Raikage... But... were another surfacing? And... if they were, were they for Aoitori??? This just didn't make sense! How could this be? She decided it was best to just talk to him.. Even if they were in a bathroom....

"A-Aoi-san... Um", she extended her right hand, then retreated it again. She was trying to think of something to say; antyhing! "Shouldn't you be more worried about Saib-sama then.. me? I mean, she is your client after all...", she shrugged her shoulders while hiding the fact she was hurt. "I just don't see why you came to me instead of going to Saib. I only know you for, like a day? And.. you've known Saib for almost god knows. I'm just saying..", she seriously needed to take it down a notch. It was obvious that she was hurt, no matter how much of a front she put on, her tone of voice sounded sad; something she didn't want anyone to hear. Natsumi just hoped Aoitori didn't ask too much questions about the Raikage.. or something.

Aoitori simply remained quiet, knowing she was likely to be in pain and nodded lightly to acknowledge he heard her. All the time he was wondering the same thing as Natsumi: Do I love you?. But he couldn’t bring himself to believe that in any way. One, he had never fallen in love with anyone before and a lot of women had tried to make him fall in love with them. Two, he had sworn to himself that he’d never fall in love and trained himself to suppressing such feelings to the point where he didn’t even know what the emotion meant. And three, he was a bodyguard to Saib. If he fell in love with her he could no longer keep up with his duties as a bodyguard.

But Aoitori found himself feeling saddened that she wouldn’t look at him and stared a little longer than needed when Natsumi looked him in the eyes. And why was it that when she had shuddered he felt like stretching forward to grasp her face and give her a soft, gentle kiss? … … … Wait… WHAT?!

Thankfully his thoughts got jogged when Natsumi got up and away from him. He sat there with his arms supported by his upright knees, leaning against the door and faintly looking up at her at an angle that didn’t hurt his neck. “You sure ‘bout that? I can get you whatever you want or need,” he said, half raising an eye at her. ‘Wait a minute… did I just offer to buy her whatever she wanted? … This isn’t a set up or pick up line, Aoitori. You’re just being the gentleman you are. … Well the rouge gentleman anyway.

He glanced up at her as she began to speak again, only casting a glance that might have appeared cold and indifferent at her hand that had so quickly struck out and back to her side. He shrugged lightly. “That’s true, but I am with her by being in the same building. ‘Sides my girl can take care of herself every now and then. She needs to too or else she’ll go soft. I make it a point to leave her every once in awhile you know. Sure, its mostly when we’re in Kumogakure or at her father’s place, but still attacks can happen then,” he replied, slowly closing his eyes.

“As to that…” began Aoitori softly, slowly getting up and opening his soft blue eyes to look at her fully. “You’re more hurt than she is. You unknowingly said a lot of words that hurt her because she doesn’t know what really happened between us… but I know her. She’ll be okay. She can handle rejection. And I need her to get detached from me as well,” he explained softly, hinting at Saib’s true feelings.

Slowly, carefully, he reached out and place da hand on her shoulder despite all his inner thoughts yelling at him to just leave now, to forget her, to go and spar with himself until he was silly with exhaustion. But despite all the scolding he was getting inside, there was also one very small part of him saying that this was right. A part of him telling him that this is exactly what he needed to do. That comforting her was what he had been born to do. To protect her from all sorts of pain, whether it be physical or mental. And somewhere in the back of his mind Aoitori was hoping she’d allow him to pull her into a hug but he himself was highly doubting that and expecting physical pain.
__________________________________________________________________
Saib reluctantly opened her eyes and gave him a faint, forced smile. “Nothing…” she said softly. “Its nothing,” she said again, more so to comfort herself than answer him. She wanted to go find Aoitori… to ask him if he really did care for Natsumi… if he liked her… if he loved her…

She had always thought that someday she’d be able to tell him and he’d accept her. He already understood so much about her. And somewhere in the back of her mind she had always had the feeling that Aoitori knew she liked— no, loved him. And if that was true… then why would he do this? Wasn’t his job to protect her against all forms of harm?!

‘What am I thinking? Aoitori doesn’t have to stay with me… I can always get a new bodyguard… He can do whatever he wants… He’s still human. I don’t own him and I can’t control what he does. I’m just… I’m just a client to him. He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t need to care about me.

I-I never did anything for him either. All I ever did was use him… I never tried to find out about his family or… or what he likes or hates… I just… I wish I’d never fallen in love with you Aoitori! I hate you Aoitori,’ she cried, finally coming to her breaking point. Even if she didn’t have any physical proof that Aoitori had a thing for Natsumi or Natsumi for Aoitori she couldn’t help but feel crestfallen.

Slowly she came to realize that she actually was crying. She raised a hand to her eyes and tried to wipe the tears away. ‘I-I’m such an idiot. I should have told him sooner. I never realized I was this in love with you Aoitori…’ she thought to herself, her anger fading away to sadness and something between self-pity and self-hatred. ‘All I ever really wanted was someone to love… and for someone to love me back…’ whispered Saib to herself within the inner confines of her mind.

All she had ever wanted was for someone to love her and for her to able to return their love. All her life she’d grown up without receiving any real love. Her mother might have filled that void had her father not so ruthlessly tore them apart. Fuab-Thais might have helped fill that void as well, but as they had gotten older they had taken separate paths and they no longer knew one another as well as they had when they were children.

‘Gauel…’ thought Saib for a fleeting second. ‘I had been prepared to marry you… To love you… But I could never take you away from Areumdaum. Instead I fell in love with Aoitori and now I’m almost wishing I had agreed to my father’s whims… I still have feelings for you, but I’ve gotten over you now… But I don’t think I’ll get over Aoitori… … …’

Slowly, she shook her head. ‘No… I’m just not meant to be loved… …’ she thought, and within her mind that one thought seemed to echo and rebound forever and ever. Her crying had stopped for the most part, but she didn’t care anymore. What did it matter? Nothing mattered anymore. She was feeling completely numb and cold.

‘Mother… I wish I could see you again… You’d help wouldn’t you? Mother?!’ cried Saib within her mind, even though she knew she’d never see her mother again and that she might even be dead by now. She felt more alone than ever now. Her hopes had always been in Aoitori…

She’d always been hoping that Aoitori would be the one. That he’d be able to fill the void in her life. That if he didn’t love her he’d at least be there for her whenever she needed it. But if he was falling for Natsumi who was she to stop him from pursuing her? From pursuing anyone he loved or cared about? All she could ever do was watch and wait…

Watch and wait… But wait for what? Wait for a savior? She wasn’t exactly the type of girl who enjoyed being the ‘damsel in distress saved by a knight in shining armor’. Nor was she the type who wanted to abuse her position of power and wealth into making others serve her. What was she waiting for?

She knew what she was watching… She was watching all the people she wanted to love leave her… Watching the people she loved and cared for slowly disappear from her life… Watching the people she once knew and cared for change into monsters that bore the appearance of such people she knew… Always she was watching.

‘He was right in naming me saib… All I ever do is watch. Saib… the word for to watch in my father’s ancestor’s language… The Old Language as he calls it. He said our people could divine the future and commune with the dead. He never did say he could do it himself… and I never believed him. But maybe he was telling the truth…’ thought Saib in a numb voice.

Some could argue that she hated her father but she did love him in some roundabout way. He had brought her forth into this world, hadn’t he? He was only doing what he thought was right for her, right? He still believed in his ancestors ways, that explained why he didn’t think much of her, didn’t it? And he had predicted her future…

She felt defeated, wanting to just go home and submit to whatever it was that her father wanted. For her to marry some rich, spoiled son of a daimyo or businessman. For her to stop being a ninja and such a tomboy. And maybe she should… She was just meant to watch things wasn’t she? Her opinions didn’t matter. Her thoughts didn’t matter. Her feelings didn’t matter. Nothing did…